My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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