New low: just hacked my moms facebook
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
