i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
