if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
