highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
