Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
