I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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