Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
