I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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