Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
