wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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