I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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