So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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