I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
