Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
