Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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