its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
