I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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