my shit smells like andre
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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