how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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