I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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