Duck Duck Cougar?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
