My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
