I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize