I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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