he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
