My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
