She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ttyl tear gas
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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