The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
