I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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