Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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