So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
