Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
