The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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