I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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