Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.