Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  you should have been aborted.

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  (908): we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now. (1-908): you should have been aborted. http://tfl.nu/el6q
  Replies (19) Good night (4332) Bad night (1155)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

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  (604): You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/i4e8
  Replies (15) Good night (5054) Bad night (1285)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

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  (405): i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes http://tfl.nu/6w2z
  Replies (10) Good night (5634) Bad night (1227)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.

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  (954): i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar. http://tfl.nu/rj0l
  Replies (13) Good night (1199) Bad night (3905)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  oh and then you called a time out with your penis

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  (970): oh and then you called a time out with your penis http://tfl.nu/pj7g
  Replies (8) Good night (2159) Bad night (1005)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.

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  (705): My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/aval
  Replies (4) Good night (2450) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

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  (248): guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop? http://tfl.nu/8g34
  Replies (22) Good night (6370) Bad night (1201)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

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  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (16) Good night (2832) Bad night (1458)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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  (813): obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/eqex
  Replies (0) Good night (708) Bad night (1425)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am

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  (727): I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am http://tfl.nu/ogdh
  Replies (7) Good night (1025) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.

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  (307): Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle. http://tfl.nu/2vsv
  Replies (4) Good night (1526) Bad night (481)
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  (714): View more from California

  I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit

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  (714): I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit http://tfl.nu/55p1
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"

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  (303): All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over" http://tfl.nu/zffi
  Replies (3) Good night (1242) Bad night (448)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

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  (615): IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME! http://tfl.nu/omc2
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.

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  (720): If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit. http://tfl.nu/qufi
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (263)

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