You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night