my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is