nut hugger
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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