Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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