ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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