i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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