So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
