my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
