When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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