Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
