i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
