He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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