my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
