i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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