you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
