god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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