i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
