Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
