you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head