He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.