Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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