hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.