Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
