it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i think my cat just said my name.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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