We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
