I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
