I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you had me at cake vodka
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
