You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
