soooo we both peed the bed last night...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
