He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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