Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
