I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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